General Relief Society Meeting

LisaB over at FMH posted her thoughts on the General Relief Society Meeting that was held last Saturday, and asked others to comment on how they felt about it. I started to comment, but it turned into a post, so I thought I'd post it on my own blog.The one problem I had was that it took until the very last talk to mention those of us who don't fit the not yet married, married with children, married with grandchildren, widowed, or divorced mold: those of us who are married but don't have kids!

I'm one of two married couples in our ward without children. I'll admit that I probably shouldn't have anything to complain about. To my knowledge, I'm still capable of having kids; I'm not infertile, nor do I have any problems that keep me from getting pregnant. I've never had a miscarriage, or gone through pregnancy resulting in a stillborn, or lost a child to SIDS or something else. Really, I should have nothing to complain about.

But I do. My husband is at the moment incapable of raising a family. His health keeps him from doing most anything, actually. He's had health troubles since Christmas Day of 2003, almost two years ago! We get new theories every once in a while, but the treatments never seem to help for long. He can’t go out because he hurts and tires easily. He also can’t eat out at restaurants because so much of the foods are made with soy, sugar, partially hydrogenated oils, and many other ingredients that he can’t eat. He also has troubles doing the things he loves so much because of the pain. He can’t draw, he can’t play the piano, and even playing video games becomes tiring after a while.

I'm grateful that James E Faust remembered to include us sisters in his talk. We were told that we can be as mothers and help others in a motherly way, and that we can be blessed in our efforts in doing so. I was touched, but the natural woman in me was saddened, because it's just not the same as actually being a mother. And being reminded that if I remain faithful, then I can reach the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom and have children then doesn't help either.

It doesn't bother me much the first half of my cycle, but during the second half, it really hits home. I think the PMS fuels it and makes it harder for me to bear. I am grateful that my husband can tell when I'm sad and we can talk about things together. I needed that last night when I heard that my sister's sister-in-law, who got married last month, is pregnant. At the rate things are going, my oldest nephew's wife will have a baby before I do.

This has turned into rambling on on my part, but I needed to get this out of my system. It just doesn't seem fair that we do all we can to be strong in the gospel and our needs don't seem to be met. I truly have been blessed to have a wonderful family, both on my side and on my hubby's, and that my in-laws have been kind enough to let us share their home until we can get on our feet and venture out on our own. I've been blessed with a good job and relatively good health. Most important of all, I've been blessed to be married to my sweet loving husband in the temple, and I'm grateful for the love he shows to me every day, especially when I need it most. I just wish this didn't bug me as much as it does...