Announcement

I mentioned last week that all would be made clear about a big change in my life, but that I wanted to wait a while before I put it up here, even though I'm still not announcing it to everyone just yet. I don't think any of my friends read this blog anymore, but just in case someone I know does stumble upon this post, I ask that you talk to me first before talking to anyone else about it.
Now, on to the big announcement.

The Good News
As many people know, my husband has been going through a difficult time in the past seven years. He developed chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and has basically been extremely tired, in pain, and dealing with depression related to his symptoms. We've tried different prescriptions, vitamins, supplements, and alternative therapies to alleviate his symptoms. Our goal was to get him back to a point where he could live with his disease without it taking over his life completely.

I am happy to announce that, as of a month ago, his symptoms have started to improve and he is slowly regaining his health. He's not cured, but his pain and fatigue have lessened significantly and his depression is (almost) non-existant.

The Bad News
He'd always been unsure about having kids, so when we thought I was pregnant in our first year of marriage, he was scared. I was sad when we found out it was just a long cycle after having come off the pill, but he was immensely relieved. After that, he decided that he never wanted to have kids, and was unsure of how to tell me, since I've known for most of my life that I wanted to be a mom. He's tried to change the way he feels and has tried to have the desire to want kids, but to no avail. He's mentioned to me many times during our marriage that he's not sure that he could handle having kids, but I always just assured him that it'd be okay. We didn't want to start a family when he was sick anyway, and since it didn't seem like he would get better, I thought I should just get used to the idea that it would never happen, and I tried to lessen my desire for children. But he noticed that the more I did that, the more sullen and depressed I got.

In case you haven't figured out where this is going yet, it all boils down to this: we are getting divorced. We've already put in the paper work and are waiting for it to go before a judge so it can be signed, and our marriage will be over. That should happen sometime in August. We decided this over the Memorial Day weekend, although we'd talked about it a few times before, but I don't think we really took it seriously until recently.

There are a few other reasons, but this is the biggest sticking point. I want a family but he can't stand children. How do you compromise on something like this? It wouldn't be fair for me to saddle him with a responsibility he doesn't want, or for him to keep me from having the one thing I want most in life (besides a stable, loving relationship). My dad asked me if I would prefer to have my husband or have kids. I'd love to remain married to him, but I'm afraid that I'd come to resent him.

In Conclusion
I'm living in a different room in the house until I can move back in with my parents. I also have a couple other living options up in the air. I started working full-time at my job last week, which will be a big help. Since he doesn't have a job yet, I'll keep the car, and since I have more of a chance at living on my own in the future, I get to keep most of the wedding gifts so I can furnish my own apartment (I'll let him have any duplicates). Yes, we've both agreed to these terms; we're making this as easy a divorce as possible.

Changes

A couple of things have been changing in my life, and they've been interesting to say the least. The one I feel like mentioning is something I just found out today that has actually been in the works for the past three months. (No, I'm not pregnant. I don't wish for that at present. More on that later.)

My husband has three older sisters (and three older brothers, but that's not important). The sister he's been closest to and her family have decided that they no longer want to be members of the Church. I don't know how they came to this decision; the in-laws seem to have known all along, and the sister recently started to tell her siblings about their decision. I'm surprised that my mother-in-law, who tends to get physically ill when faced with highly emotionally-charged circumstances, hasn't died from the shock. For someone who has been sealed in the temple raised her children in the church as righteously as she has, this must be a big blow to her. I personally wish them the best of luck as they continue to search for what they deem to be the truth.

The other changes coming my way involve an upgrade at my job and new living arrangements coming in the next couple months. I'll write more about that last part later. I doubt any of my friends still read this blog, but only a couple know about my plans, so I'm being cautious for a while, just in case. Rest assured, all will be made clear soon.