I'm a Mohican!

A startling realization surfaced at Enrichment tonight: Not only am I in a minority, I am the minority! That's right, I am the only young married woman in the ward who does not yet have children! (And we are still the ward newlyweds since the recent newlyweds moved into a different ward. It'll be two years in less than two weeks! ^_^)
Anyway, I realized this at Enrichment night this evening when we divided up into three groups to talk about Family Home Evening at different stages in life: 1) singles, newlyweds without kids, and older folks with kids out of the house, 2) for families with young children, and 3) for families with teenagers. [I was in charge of getting the children's class in order (neé nursery; we just started it last month; they want the kids to actually learn something instead of play the whole time), but I didn't have to stay there. I had a week or so to prepare, but knowing me... Let's just say that procrastination is the only way I can get anything done. I've written some of my best papers the night before! ^_^ But back to our regularly scheduled blog...]
We started off in the Relief Society room, then broke off into our different classes and met back together for the last 15 minutes, then mingled. Anyway, my group consisted of my mother-in-law, who taught the class, two older single sisters (one widowed, one divorced), two older married sisters, and me. Boy did I look out of place! They were all dressed in nice blouses and slacks, and I came in my long sleeved tee and bluejeans. They had all had children before, and I'm just a really loveable aunt and fun nursery leader. Half of the time, we had a lesson, the rest of the time we just talked. Well, they talked, and I chimed in every once in a while.
And my procrastination paid off! The children's class went very well. Remind me to tell you how to play "Don't Eat Pete!" It's cute. ^_^
Well, what started out as a thought ended up as a full scale recap of my evening. Oh well. Congratulations if you made it this far.

What would I do?

One of my worse fears is wondering what I would do if my husband died young, especially before we have kids. I read an article in next month's Ensign that dealth with a woman whose husband died two months after their daughter was born. So far, she has not been remarried, nor do I think she mentioned anything about the possibility of doing so in the future.
I've often wondered what I would do if Mira were to pass away at such a young age. What makes it worse is that he has fibromyalgia, and there are times I worry and freak out that something will happen and I'll be left a widow, even though I haven't heard about anybody dying because of fibro.
In trying to weigh my options in case, heaven forbid, something happens, I realize that I might have to remain a widow, which is something I don't know if I could handle. I couldn't get sealed again because I've already been sealed once. Even getting married for time only, whether to a member or non-member, has it's drawbacks. If I marry a member and we have children together, to whom would they be sealed? To Mira and I? Or my new husband and I? The same goes if I marry a non-member. What if he decides to join the church? He couldn't be sealed to me because I've already been sealed once. And what would happen if we had children together? It bogles my mind and I pray that I never have to deal with it.
It might be a bit easier if we had kids before he passes into the next stage. Then I'd have my kids to love and wouldn't feel too alone. Being a social widow is difficult enough as it is. When I was younger, I'd look at the couples in my ward and look forward to the day that I would be able to sit next to my husband with his arm around me. And for a while, I was able to. But then he got sick and wasn't able to come to church as often, which has continued for quite a while. Being in the nursery has been a safety for me, though. There have been times where I've sat in the chapel with all the couples and have been saddened because my other half isn't with me. So I set up in the nursery before the sacrament and go into the foyer to receive it, then if I have more work to be done, then I finish up during the rest of the meeting. But if I'm done, I stay in the foyer. It helps me keep my mind off the fact that I'm there alone. I guess it keeps me sane.

A couple thoughts...

My mother-in-law shared with us an e-mail she received from her mom (both of Mira's grandmothers are alive) recently. A guy is sitting in a chair at a barber's office, and the barber tells him that he's an athiest. Curious, the mas asks why. "Well," said the barber, " if there were a god, he wouldn't let anything bad happen. There can't be a god because of all the evil in the world." The man, unsure of what to say to that, lets the barber continue to cut his hair, and as he leaves, he sees a homeless man with long hair and a scraggly beard down the street. So the man walks back in and says, "There are no such things as barbers."
"What do you mean?" asked the barber. "I'm right here!"
"But I saw a man down the street with long hair and a scraggly beard. If there were such a thing as barbers, this man would have short hair and be clean shaven."
"But I can't do anything if he doesn't come to me!"
"That's exactly the point! How can we expect God to help us if we don't go to him for help?"

Yesterday was Fast Sunday. In testimony meeting, the daughter of one of my visiting teachers, all of seven, got up and said she was grateful for her family. "My family had a new baby named (name here). I thought my brother would be the last one (he's three), but you never know." I was setting up for nursery and listening to it in there, so I didn't see her parents' reactions to it, but I'm sure I heard some laughing in there. ^_^

I've been thinking: When my nieces and nephews have kids, what relation are I and Mira to them? Great- aunt and great-uncle?